We’ve all heard of, and fear, a Bridezilla. You know, a bride who wants everything her way and will make everyone’s life around her a nightmare if it doesn’t happen. On the flip side there is also the term Bridechilla, referring to a bride so chill that she just lets the day unfold around her with no complaints. A new term that you may not have heard: Bridesmaidzilla.
For the purposes of this article we are defining Bridesmaidzilla as a Bridesmaid who, knowingly or not, makes the wedding day about them, is extremely rude in general, causes lots of drama, or combines all of the above. Don’t worry though, we’re here to tell you stories so you can figure out if you have the potential to be a Bridesmaidzilla, and if so, how to avoid it.
Be Ready and Don’t Mess Up the Timeline
WHY: The Bride has hired her vendors, created a timeline, and asked you to be where you are needed at specific times. Of course not everything goes to plan, but your goal as a Bridesmaid should be to assist in keeping the timeline on track. If you aren’t organized enough to direct others, at least make sure you are at the right place at the right time.
HORROR STORY #1: A photographer shared with us about how her Bridechilla had instructed her Bridesmaids to be ready before her so they could stage getting ready photos. Needless to say they weren’t ready on time, and after waiting a while the photographer started to take pictures of the bride putting on her shoes and jewelry. The MOH was furious because she was supposed to be in those pictures. She had time to complain, but didn’t get ready any faster and instead continued to steam her bridesmaid dress a second time. As the photog put it; at that point she was steaming out “imaginary wrinkles.”
The ordeal made the ceremony start 45 minutes late, and of course put the whole wedding day behind schedule. Since they were losing precious light, the photographer asked the bride and groom if they could do family photos at the reception so that bridal shots could be done outside right away. They agreed. When it came time to do family photos, some people had left. Although the bride was upset, it was the MOH who took it upon herself to tell the photographer that she was an “amateur” and that she needed to “get her sh*t together.”
HORROR STORY #2: Jennifer at 2Morrows Dress shared with us about a destination wedding she attended where the MOH left her new matching gold heels at home. Unfortunately she didn’t discover this until the day of the wedding. Jennifer and another bridesmaid went back to the hotel to get any shoes they could find in her size. Lucky for them a black pair fit and they thought the ordeal was over. Nope! The MOH was too embarrassed to have heels that didn’t match, and ran to a nearby mall to buy the exact same shoes she was missing.
The bride refused to get married without her bridesmaid and so the ceremony started an hour late. The MOH never apologized to the 100+ guests for the delay and didn’t show any remorse. To top it all off, the bride and groom had to pay the musicians at the ceremony for an extra hour of playing time.
Be a Bridesmaid, NOT a Wedding Vendor
WHY: The bride and groom have hired a team of people to make their wedding day perfect. This includes, but is not limited to: a DJ, a wedding planner, a photographer, a cake expert, a videographer, etc. So why is it that guests, and sometimes bridesmaids, think that they can do a better job?
Now in some cases vendors do fail, but if the bride isn’t worried about it than the bridesmaids shouldn’t be worried either. If there is no wedding planner, or day of coordinator, it is usually the photographers job to help keep the day on track. It is okay to ask the bride if she wants your help in getting the bridal party together, but it is not okay to tell the photographer what to do.
HORROR STORY #1: We’ve heard from multiple photographers that the worst Bridesmaidzilla is one who has recently gotten married. They often think that since they have been through this before that they know everything. One photographer told us she had a bridesmaid that complained about every photo that was being taken. She would say to anyone that would listen, while the photographer was in earshot, that they were missing key poses and at her wedding things ran so much smoother.
HORROR STORY #2: Another photographer told us she has a hard time dealing with bridesmaids who consider themselves “photographers” and take charge of directing the bridal party. Although it can be a hard pill to swallow, if you weren’t hired to take photographs at the wedding then you need to stand down. One particular bridesmaid kept stepping into photos to fix the bride’s dress and kept suggesting very cheesy poses. She also kept telling the bridal party that the hired photographer; “doesn’t know what she is doing, but I have to bite my tongue.”
It’s important to remember that every photographer has a different style of shooting. The bride and groom hired them so they obviously like their style. In this situation, it’s best to keep your opinions to yourself.
Keep Speeches Fun and Light, Do NOT Roast the Bride
WHY: If you are given the honor of presenting a speech at the wedding keep it light. Not all of the guests understand the relationship you share with the bride and groom. Something you think is funny, especially an inside joke, might come off the wrong way. You want to share in the love of the bride and groom, not make things awkward or offensive.
HORROR STORY: One reader shared with us that at a wedding they attended the bride was visually getting upset at the speeches her bridesmaids were making. Part of the problem was that there were 3 speeches, and it seems none of the bridesmaids consulted each other before the wedding day. All of the speeches had a continued theme of drunken vacations, crazy colleges nights, and the fact that bride didn’t seem to do her share of housework when they lived together. For guests that didn’t know the bride that well, it painted a picture of her being a drunk, inconsiderate mess. Even worse still was two of the three bridesmaids made use of the phrase, “good luck groom, she’s your problem now!” The bride was upset but trying to smile through it, while the groom rubbed her shoulders to comfort her.
Single Bridesmaids, Keep Flirting to a Minimum
WHY: This one should be obvious, but from the number of stories we’ve heard it isn’t. Of course the bride and groom love you and want you to be happy. Of course weddings with alcohol make people flirt. Just remember your title should remain bridesmaid and not “single drunk flirty girl” that nobody can control.
HORROR STORY #1: One bride shared with us that the bridesmaid in question was her own step-sister. Let’s call her Kathy. Although the bride knew Kathy’s personality was outgoing and flirty, she wasn’t prepared for her to demand to be the center of attention on her wedding day.
Kathy tried to be in every picture possible, almost stalking the photographer. She would dig for compliments from the groomsmen and guests by asking “don’t you just love my dress?” and twirling around. She even went as far as flirting with the groom himself and his twin brother, prompting the groom to come really close to asking Kathy to leave.
Although this next story wasn’t intentional, it’s a cautionary tale that alcohol should be consumed in moderation.
HORROR STORY #2: Bridesmaid Kelsey was flying to the wedding of her best friend from college, the bride. It just so happens that Kelsey introduced the bride and groom, who at one point was Kelsey’s short-lived boyfriend.
Since Kelsey hates flying she took anti-nausea meds. Her first flight was rerouted due to an emergency and she missed her connecting flight so she was booked on first class for the next flight to her destination. She decided to partake in the free alcohol and took some more anti-nausea meds. Kelsey made it to the church on time, got shoved into her bridesmaid dress, hugged the bride, and marched straight up the aisle.
Flash forward to the part where the priest asks “if anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully marry” and Kelsey has handed the bride her bouquet and is lip locking the groom! To make matters worse all of the guests heard her tongue ring hitting the groom’s teeth as he tried to resist the kiss. Then Kelsey passed out on the bride’s feet.
Luckily the bride was a nurse. They delayed the wedding 30 minutes to get Kelsey some fluids and to make sure she is okay. The bride confronts the groom and asks if there is anything he needs to tell her, but he insists he hasn’t seen Kelsey in over 10 years, as the bride already knew. When Kelsey is asked why she made a scene, all she can remember is thinking “I never kissed him goodbye,” but says the rest is a blur. The ceremony resumed and bridesmaid Kelsey was left having to apologize to the bride, groom, and guests at the reception.
So What Should You Do…
Listen to the bride’s wants and needs. Help make her perfect wedding day come true. Just don’t overstep your role. To help with that keep this one simple thought in mind “If the bride isn’t stressing over it, I shouldn’t.”
Don’t lose site of the fact you’re there to help celebrate the couple’s marriage. Monitor your drinking and keep yourself in check by asking “is this something that would upset the bride or groom?” If your gut is telling you yes, tone it down a bit.
What do you think of these bridesmaids rules? Do you have any to add to the list? Any horror stories you’ve seen at weddings? Share with us in the comments.